Shop Etsy

A Love Letter to the Internet From Rookie Mag

Feb 8, 2012

by msjamiekeiles handmade and vintage goods

Jamie Keiles is a writer for Rookie Mag, the most incredible teen magazine that you never had when you were growing up. In her spare time, she stresses about things she can’t control, enthuses over condiments, and attends the University of Chicago. You can find her on TwitterTumblr, and Facebook.

Dear Internet,

I know that things were weird for us at the end. I was too clingy, on you all the time. And you, with the total disregard for my privacy, my decency.

I ran into you at the library the other day. It’s clear we don’t connect like we used to, but still, it’s nice to see you again. Sometimes I can’t help but look back on the days when we first met — back when we were both young and didn’t know our own potential. You said you wanted nothing more from life than to help people pass along chain letters and access porn. Our relationship felt dangerous, mysterious, progressive. We’d spend afternoons together in the back rows of the computer lab, caressing your keys and learning how your insides worked. Together, we asked strangers A/S/L in the “Just for Teens” chat room and keyword searched “sex” because I was too shy to Ask Jeeves. Sometimes I’d leave you for school or friends. This made you mad. You’d call and yell at me through the phone in that familiar, screeching dial-up tone of yours.

“Blllleeeeeooooo bleeeeooooo spppkkkkkkkkk weeewahhhweahhhh,” you shouted.

“This would never have happened if you hadn’t been so slow!” I’d say. “I’m done with this. I’m logging off.”

Inevitably though, I’d be back. The next day you’d load a heart-shaped cursor on my Geocities page and everything would be fine.

[Clockwise from left: Emoticon magnets from Mymimi; Holographic eye pin from GlowwormshopEvil smiles sweatshirt from BurgerandfriendsGreen alien iron-on patch from CoolpatchesAlien porthole wall decal from WilsongraphicsBotryoidal agate cabochon from Silurianera]

As we both got older, we both changed. In my buddy profile, I listed initials that were not yours beside a <3.  You promised, “Shoot the ducks and win a prize!” but the iPods and Ugg boots never came. We fought.

“What were you doing on OkCupid?” you accused, opening my search history. “Oh let’s go there,” I shouted. “I know you’ve been hanging around with that cheap floozy NetZero.”

“Cheap?” you goaded. “Takes one to know one. Your MySpace pleas of ‘pic cmnt 4 pic cmnt’ absolutely reek of desperation.”

[Clockwise from left: Leopard Print Hair Extensions from MalignantdesignsA Place for friends by CitizenscholarOMFG funny necklace from EssemdesignIridescent purple miniskirt from BadatpettingcatsSmiley face digital download from VellascollagesheetsComputer keyboard keys from Musthavebeenthecat]

I should have left; I should have realized that things between us weren’t good anymore. But I stayed.  Through Xanga. Through MySpace. Through your password phishing schemes and Napster habit. I’m not sure why I held on. The love was gone. I think what kept me going was the hope that someday we’d laugh again at 3D dancing babies and flash cartoons on Ebaum’s World. That day never came.

[Clockwise from left: Cursor wall lamp from MaddadesignTurn it off framed embroidery from GeekopolisAnalog chat room from Lostinbrooklyn; Oregon Trail cross stitch from Pickleladyfarm]

We’ve since gone our separate ways. You’ve made it big. You live a fast life now. Video streaming. Twitter. HD everything. I only see you now and then when I go to check an email, but nonetheless, it makes me happy to see you’re doing well. I just hope you don’t blame me for wondering if we could have been something more.

Happy Valentine’s Day,

More Posts by Jamie | More Gift Guides

3 Featured Comments

  • PoleStar

    Jennifer Juniper from PoleStar said 8 years ago Featured

    I've been with Internet through though times and our love has only grown over the last 20 years. I think we were actually married at some point in that time... Like any great relationship, we've changed and adapted together over time, but our attraction has never faded. ;)

  • SimplyCutebyKarin

    SimplyCutebyKarin from SimplyCutebyKarin said 8 years ago Featured

    I remember the first time I saw someone demonstrate the world wide web at a computer expo in Boston. I was so excited, I thought I would die. I ran home and bought a book on how to write HTML...1.0!!

  • slathered

    Sharon Moores from slathered said 8 years ago Featured

    Sigh. I kinda wish my love affair with the Internet was over. We're at the finger-pointing and name-calling stage right now.


Sign in to add your own